


Stars

by Sasa_Q



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/F, lots of gay yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26944105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasa_Q/pseuds/Sasa_Q
Summary: I think of you when I see the stars.
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Lenara Kahn
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15
Collections: Trektober 2020





	Stars

I used to keep track of the days since you left Deep Space Nine. But then I was worried that it was maybe a little unhealthy, even becoming an obsession. So, I stopped keeping track of the exact amount of days. It doesn't change the fact that we've been apart too long.

I think of you when I see the stars. I gaze out of the viewport and all I can think about is your face. I think about holding you close. I think about running my fingers along the spots on your face, running down the side of your neck. I look at the stars, and I can only think of you. It's not fair how much I think about you. You're just so beautiful, and the space you occupy in my mind is constant.

I know I shouldn't be thinking like this. There's an enormous stigma around Trills rejoining for a reason. If all Trills picked up their obligations from their past lives, they'd never get anything done. But I just can't stop thinking about you. It's not just that I think you're pretty, either. It's deeper than that. I think your soul is just as beautiful as your face. I remember your smile, your laugh, the sound of your voice when you're happy. And when I think about that... I'm happy, too.

No one on Deep Space Nine can possibly understand what I'm going through right now. Nerys tries, and I appreciate her efforts so much, but nothing can bring back the feeling I had when the two of us were together. Once, and I'm ashamed about it, me and Nerys... did things. I closed my eyes, Lenara. I pretended it was you. Nerys could tell. Things got awkward between us. I mean, things are better now that I've opened up to her about you, but for a while, I looked at her and I felt so guilty for wanting to believe she was you.

I try to bury my mind in my work. There's no shortage of work around here. Especially with the threat of the Dominion. Sometimes, I admit, when I'm thinking about the Gamma Quadrant or the Defiant or the Federation, I start thinking about you, and how much I care about you. It's easier to think about you than the Dominion, and more pleasant. So sometimes I just let my mind drift.

I fantasize about you. About holding you in my arms. About kissing you again. I can't even tell you what I would to give to kiss you again. I just want to be with you, in any capacity. I'd even take being able to see you over a viewing screen. Just... anything. I'd do anything.

I realize I can never send you this message. I could, but what would be the use?

I think of you when I see the stars. I gaze out of the viewport, and I wonder what you're doing right now. I wonder if you're happy. I hope you are. I don't want you to be unhappy, not one bit. When I think of you, I want to think of you enjoying your life, prospering, making new discoveries. I just wish we could be doing it together.

Every time a new ship docks on the station, I have this fleeting hope that maybe it's you, that maybe you're back, for good this time. I realize that it's useless to hope like that. But there's this nagging voice in the back of my head that says, "What if?" What if you do feel the way I feel about you? What if you just needed some time to think about it?

So I hope. And I stare out at the stars. And I hope, in some other universe, that I'm kissing you.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this piece! This is my first Jadzia/Lenara fic, and I really had a good time writing it.   
> I would love it a lot if you gave a comment!


End file.
